Heaven’s to mergatroid you sound just like this
Ah the Emmy’s. They’re like the oscars for people who matter less. Wait, what’s that? Ludicrously high production values, large viewer base and, on top of it all, NPH? Shut the front door. No, seriously, shut it because I want to watch every second of Neil Patrick Harris’ hosting alone, giggling to myself and having the kind of starry-eyed wonder and boycrush envy that only a straight man in his parents house can have by himself.
Seriously though. He is one of the few openly gay major celebrities, playing the best womanizer on the planet on a mediocre show that succeeds HUGELY based mostly on his (and jason segel’s) characters, and also he was DOOGIE HOWSER. And Dr. Horrible. And that episode of SNL was tits. Yeah, all of that. Now, watch below and tell me that this isn’t the kind of grace and effortless talent and charisma that I guess you just don’t see that much anymore.
Also today I would like to break a bottle of cheap champage (there’s a recession on you wastrels) over a little feature I would like to call Robots Among Us. This should not be confused with the Incubus album Fungus Among Us which has no bearing on anything, least of all the career of Incubus. All not that funny jokes aside, this is a serious column dedicated to finding and rooting out the most dangerous threat to all of humankind. No, I know what you’re thinking and it’s not H1N1, nor is it Corporate Greed and an out of control Wall St., neither, my compatriots, is it a impeding socialist revolution led by a racist who duped the public into electing him to the highest office in the land…no
…..it’s fucking robots.
All of the bluster over the “Economy” and “War In Iraq” and “Swine Flu” and “Health Care Reform” is a smokescreen. These nonesense issues are distracting us from what is actually important.
FUCKING ROBOTS PEOPLE.
For the inaugural posting, I will expose one of the most high profile robots masquerading as human: Roger Effing Federer. In the video below, please watch carefully as his gyroscopic stabilizers and carefully calibrated servos deliver the finishing blow to some poor, unsuspecting, eastern european human. The robots are out there people, let’s be vigilant.
This begins a new feature I like to call Unsettling Today. This is the place for things that are so awkward, so butt clenchingly uncomfortable, that the world must be made more aware of them. Today’s featurette stares race relations hard in the face, daring the abstract concept to blink. It then utters, fatefully, “boner.”
Glenn Beck creeps me out 24/7 but this…this is just so shudderworthy that I cannot come up with anything funny to say about it.
I. Just. Don’t. Know. What. To. Do. Anymore.
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bee-dle-dop-doo-duh-squee-bee-jee-bee-duh-whoooooooa
Now do you think she got a lisp from the meth? Or was it the fellatio?
My favorite quote: “And if I want to have these hickeys all…. over…. my….. neck. THATS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” Also notice how she calls her mom a whore in the promo with really no reason other than the fact that she cares for her. CONTEST TIME! Count how many times she says “DONT BE HATIN’” Any pronunciations with a “g” do not count.
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