WANT NOW: BERRRDARRRRFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!*

Look at those fucking molars

*this is the unique sound this species of shark makes

Serious Issues, Not So Seriously

Fatty Vigilantism

Instead of talking about the serious implications this case has in the realm of jurisprudence, I’m going to make a bunch of silly jokes.

- Obama’s Council on National Fitness blocks sentence, laying the groundwork for chubby-chasing to be a federal crime punishable by death. The next step in the socialist agenda?
- Fat Bitch must be Mobbed Up! The Teflon Whale strikes again!
- Idiots take up valuable time in court, released back into the wild for further study.
- Reverence for tragedy dulled over time by lack of surprise.
- Steak and Shake named responsible in string of Cleveland area deaths associated with obesity.
- Precedence set by Cleveland courts create a new kind of gang violence, Sitting.
- “Sitting” related crime causes a scarcity of thin people in Cleveland
- Cleveland a ghost town after fat gangsters eat all the food, subsequently die of heart disease.

Oooook that’s enough to stave off the depressing image of our national identity for now. If you want to get in on this, start in the comments section. If you think I’m being inappropriate I should direct you to call our toll free number.

THANK YOU SACHA. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WANT NOW: DEAR SANTA CAN I HAVE 9000 DOLLARS TO SPEND ON THE COUCH OF MY DREAMS?

Part Eames Chair, part airport waiting area.  A couch like this DOES buy happiness.

EamesSofa1

EamesSofa2

WELCOME TO 2010. We’re FUCKED.

This is the daughter of the esteemed Reverend Fred Phelps, Pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church, webmaster to www.GodHatesFags.com and personal condemner of yours truly (seriously). Anyway, if this is how we’re going to kick off the new year, then… ah… you know what? I don’t even fucking know anymore. I just don’t. I can’t make fun of this shit anymore. Enjoy and welcome to the new year. If you need me I’m going to go try to find something awesome that can make up for this being the first post of 2010. I mean, this is awesome, but it’s also really really, really not.

@LadyGaga "Poker Face" parody by WBC is done! Lyrics: http://tiny.cc/LGL2 Music: sound bite