HITMAN MONKEY FINDS NO JOY IN HIS JOB

SOTI HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE: iPHONE CASE WITH KEYBOARD FUCKING FINALLY. JESUS

I use a Blackberry because typing on my phone shouldn’t be as hard as it is on an iPhone.  Don’t even give me that bullshit about “Oh you get used to it.”  You know what I’m not used to?  The hundreds of fucking SMS typos I get from my retard iPhone friends.  Enter the

TK-421 IPHONE CASE WITH FLIP-OUT KEYBOARD

I’m getting douche chills from that jealous T-Mobile Sidekick you sold on eBay… most likely to a terrorist.

It’s 49.99 + Shipping which doesn’t seem too steep and there are models for both the iPhone 4 and the iPhone 3Gs.  My only concern would be the overall change in heft and thickness.

Who the eff uses the notes program?

The dopest part of this keyboard is the fact that it’s bluetooth.  That means no dock connector to worry about, and no drain on the iPhone’s battery.  It’s not as cool as giving someone that canned Unicorn meat we featured yesterday, but if you ever wanted to give your mom an iPhone… this will probably help her out tremendously.  Lord knows my mother could use it.

Just please don’t wear this on your belt.

Buy it here.

READ MORE SOTI GIFT RECOMMENDATIONS HERE

GUEST POST BY: THAT WOMAN WHO INVENTED PIZZA SCISSORS

You know what I was thinking about yesterday when I was scrap booking and quilting?  Wouldn’t be great if we could find a THIRD way to cut pizza?  Knives are scary and those roller thingys are the work of the devil.  Anyways check out my quilt that inspired it all.  Some of you think I’m crazy.  You’ll see….  you will see….

SOTI HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE: CANNED UNICORN MEAT

Saving the best for last today:

CANNED UNICORN MEAT

A MANWICH OF MAGIC

Since being introduced to the marketplace earlier this year, Unicorn meat has been met with some skepticism.  Known to some as PETA Poison, this key ingredient in Harry Potter Pot Pie is unbelievably delicious.

Official FDA Chart

I personally love the cheeks.  Known as the “hope cut” you’ll end your meal with an overwhelmingly warm outlook on life.  BBQ Wish and Giggle Ribs are a close second. The rainbow cuts can be a bit tough, but throw it in a slow cooker for 10 hours on low in your favorit braising liquid and you’ve got some slammin pulled double-rainbow tacos.

My pantry

Get your magical meat just in time for the holidays here.

READ MORE SOTI GIFT RECOMMENDATIONS HERE

SOTI HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE: FUJIFILM’S INSTAX MINI50S RETRO CAMERA

Continuing the SOTI guide to the coolest stuff no one really needs this holiday season:

Fujifilm’s Instax mini50S Retro Camera

Instax film means Instax hipster

So you like those slutty hipster polaroid style shots you see on ALL YOUR FAVORITE PARTY SITES?  Me neither, but if you want to have a cool little camera that takes awesome instant mini photos this is your best bet.

LOOK AT HOW MUCH FUN THESE PEOPLE ARE HAVING! IS THAT BITCH EATIN A MOTHERFUCKING KNISH? DAMMMMN GIRL

It’s small (4.4 x 3.8 x 1.9″) which means it will actually fit in your back pocket without looking like an ass tumor – AND it’s sure to take some of the most unflattering yet “totally real man” photos of your friends wherever you are.  Please note: no one like’s a duckface.  SO FUCKING STOP IT.  Get your cam here.

READ MORE SOTI GIFT RECOMMENDATIONS HERE

SOTI HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE: THE iCADE

Want to wow your friends?  WELL FOLLOW MY FUCKING LEAD AND GIVE THE BEST GIFTS EVER THIS HOLIDAY SEASON.  I’m going to try and feature at least one product a day until the 24th SO LETS GET THIS GOING.  In no particular order:

THE FUCKING iCADE

HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THIS FUCKING iCADE

Now I’ll admit I’m totally homo for Apple products.  I have an iPod and an iPad (yet I still use a Blackberry?  god my bag is heavy) and there are roughly 4 trillion accessories for them but THIS is the single coolest accesory for the iPad I’ve seen since it’s release.

While everyone obsesses over the coolness of their case – a few people are focusing on implementing the iPad in a more permanent fixture when you’re not on the go.  I first found this V-Luxe mid-century styled case on KickStarter… but it’s pricey and not fully realized.  There’s something mildly steampunk about it to me…  I can’t stand steampunk.

Then I stumbled upon our featured little gem for $150.  Seems pricey, but when you consider the fact that a real Donkey Kong arcade machine will set you back at least $1200 (for the hooptie version), the iCade is a solid choice.  Did I mention it can play HUNDREDS of games with the iPad app of the same name?  DOPE.

READ MORE SOTI GIFT RECOMMENDATIONS HERE

I AM DEBATING GETTING A TATTOO

HACK ROLL CALL: LET IT BE… A COMPLETE FAILURE


Usually celebrities get together for a cause. This time, the cause is… wait for it… Norwegian Television station? CHECK OUT THE TALENT THEY PULLED (out of the woodwork) for this one.  It reads like the dream lineup for Celebrity Ghost Stories

Running commentary:

Peter Faulk isn’t dead?!

Huey Lewis ISN’T gray?

Who knew Alfonso Ribiero had those vocal trills just waitin to be unleashed?

Michey Rourke is billed as the dude from 9.5 weeks.  HA

Tubbs from Miami Vice can play a mean air guitar

Dolph Lundgren looks AMAZING still

Malcolm Jamal Warner does not.

Kelly McGillis.  Period the end.

Rick Schroder is billed as the dude from The Champ.

ROBERT FUCKING ENGLUND IS IN THIS?!

Who is Boyzone?

Dan Jansen – still a loser

Fab from Milli Vanilli… there’s no way he sang on this.

Dee Snider – I sat next to him at a WWF event once.

RIGHAT SAID FRED IS MORE THAN ONE GUY?  WHO THE FUCK IS FRED?

REDNEXXX (Performers of middle school dance staple “Cotton Eyed Joe”) look fresh out of Bret Michaels storage unit.

LOU FERRIGNO CLOSES THIS SHIT OUT?!

MEANWHILE IN CHERNOBYL


(thank you again Travis)

ANGRY MASCOT FRIDAY (THANKS TRAVIS) MY HOW THEY KICK AND PUNCH

Just when you thought those nightmares had stopped….  this happens.

I wonder what this joker said to deserve that mildly padded nerf like wrath.