Today’s story begins…

With me sitting in my underwear pwning n00bs in Call Of Duty (the new one comes out in 10 days, I need to brush up, and buy EA stock), when Paul calls and tells me that we’re still going to a driving range. It looks like it’s going to 2012 outside, so forgive me for thinking that the plan may have been off. Also, I just ate a King Kong burger for breakfast and Paul has 60 bucks set aside for steamers. The end of this story will involve probably 1 of 2 things:

1. Me having the violent squirts in Paul’s dad’s Corolla.

2. One of us getting electrocuted on a driving range.

Did I mention that this is all happening in Plum Island MA? Where the women have less teeth and the men like it that way.

Unsettling Today: Glenn Beck

This begins a new feature I like to call Unsettling Today. This is the place for things that are so awkward, so butt clenchingly uncomfortable, that the world must be made more aware of them. Today’s featurette stares race relations hard in the face, daring the abstract concept to blink. It then utters, fatefully, “boner.”

Glenn Beck creeps me out 24/7 but this…this is just so shudderworthy that I cannot come up with anything funny to say about it.

I. Just. Don’t. Know. What. To. Do. Anymore.