GOOGLE KILLED BAMBI
there’s a math lesson here. can anyone tell me what it is?
I was going to post this a long time ago. But I didn’t. But Carter’s little foray into online customer service with AT&T reminded me of my little tet a tet with Comcast upon moving into my new apartment. Also, it reminded me how hard I’m getting dicked by their pricing scheme. I don’t even understand what possible reason they would have to force me to get tv too.
Click to enlarge.
Actually, after re-reading this, I’m not entirely sure that there’s not a sophisticated cyborg operating the other end of this. Using its synthesized emotions to toy with mine and lulling me into an all too common organic sense of camaraderie and security. I must remain vigilant. If you’ll excuse me, I think “Jolie” is going to be getting a house call from Dr. James, Humanologist and Bounty Hunter.
I mean, windows 7 is RIPE for parody, but this is a cut above. The “I want it to have” section, made me almost shit my pants.
take it away asian mario lopez!
seriously though, what the fuck. I watched this entire thing, stupefied by the pure, unadulterated, what-the-fuckitude.
You don’t have to be a snob about it. I bet they serve that shit in (on?) Cloud City.
Seriously though? Seriously? Fab 5 Freddy and Lando on this one. I’m sorry I shouldn’t call him Lando, we should talk about his more recent work…like…
Redmond Boyle in Command & Conquer 3
Toussiant DuBois in General Hospital
and…
Harvey Dent in Tim Burton’s Batman??
I showed that video to Sacha and in the true spirit of oneupmanship she passed along this little gem:
HE MAKES HER PET A BOAR STATUE. WHAT THE FUCK.
Normally these things are terrible. But this one? This one I kind of like. Not just because they do a pretty good job of rapping, but because THEY GO INTO EXCRUCIATING DETAIL.
Trebek you smug bastard.
thank you dear sacha. thank you for everything you do.
OK OK, I get it. No one wants to touch the dangler by accident. Or be face to face with it on movie night. But putting a sticker on your dog’s butt parts? Come on, weirdos. Leave it alone. If you have that much issue with being in close proximity to something with an asshole, don’t get a pet. Or date. Or have kids. You know what? Go ahead and sit inside watching tv and eating Lunchables until you’re dead. Also, don’t invent something that goes on your dog’s ass and then market it as some kind of SWEET CUSTOM GRAPHIX YO/don’t tell me they’re insecure about their butt. It’s a dog, and you’re projecting.
Alternate scenario, you forget to remove the anal eye patch when you take rover for a walk. FUCKING MESS. Think about it.
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