Designed by Swedes – funded by the Germans.
FUCKING AWESOMMMMEEEE.
More Here: e-mo-car.ch
Today’s Robot is brought to you by the awesome band Autolux, whose concert we attended last week. After much thought, I have decided that Carla is a robot. It was difficult to arrive confidently at this assessment, as she plays with two other musicians who are, ostensibly, human. Why would a robot engage in any helpful activity with humans? She should play by herself, and play like 6 instruments at the same time, like a one man band, but not like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins, that shit was chaos and totally not cool.
Back to my point, does this then imply that those other two people who I didn’t watch at the concert, are also robots? Are they just sneakier about it? There are so many questions and so few answers. It was hard to think at the Williamsburg Music Hall as the powerful waves of awesome lashed at my face like a pissed-off, pretty effeminate octopus (go on, think about it) until the whole of my faceplace was melted into a gooey puddle and served in a panini at Sweetwater (human face is a delicacy, that restaurant is awesome). Wait, what was I talking about?
Oh yeah. Don’t trust the robots, except maybe Carla. Check the video for proof.
She has piston feet and hammer hands.
Who spells it C-A-I-T-L-Y-N-N ?
Winter Flowers – “Misty Morning Land”
This track came out in 2006. How I missed it, I have no idea. It’s baroque influenced abstract Laurel Canyon folk at it’s best. Confused? I might be too actually… If you like the idea of the Mamas & The Papas playing with Final Fantasy, you will like this. It’s so hypnotic, I might just want to join a cult and roam around Malibu Canyon. Enjoy.
LCD Soundsystem – \”Tribulations\” (Lindstrom Mix)
Goddamnit, I totally rediscovered this jam and a half this morning. Released on Introns which was some sort of LCD Soundsystem B-Side/Remix Comp (which includes the astoundingly good “Yr City’s A Sucker”), this Lindstrom remix of “Tribulations” is a booty shaker. The vocal stabs at the end are AWESHUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Ok look, I understand that you want to be supportive. You want your child to develop his own sense of “being.” A confidence exploding from a place so deep from within that from a young age your offspring feels comfortable in his or her own skin. But if you’re going to allow them to choose to live in an eternal state of virginity, couldn’t you at least give his hind legs some knees? And maybe a shirt? And what the fuck is that stick? He has four legs… does he really need stability? It better have a knife on it or something… Fuck….
Unrelated but also worthy of mention today:
This ain’t photoshopped.
(Shot @ Rivington + Ludlow)
Also today I would like to break a bottle of cheap champage (there’s a recession on you wastrels) over a little feature I would like to call Robots Among Us. This should not be confused with the Incubus album Fungus Among Us which has no bearing on anything, least of all the career of Incubus. All not that funny jokes aside, this is a serious column dedicated to finding and rooting out the most dangerous threat to all of humankind. No, I know what you’re thinking and it’s not H1N1, nor is it Corporate Greed and an out of control Wall St., neither, my compatriots, is it a impeding socialist revolution led by a racist who duped the public into electing him to the highest office in the land…no
…..it’s fucking robots.
All of the bluster over the “Economy” and “War In Iraq” and “Swine Flu” and “Health Care Reform” is a smokescreen. These nonesense issues are distracting us from what is actually important.
FUCKING ROBOTS PEOPLE.
For the inaugural posting, I will expose one of the most high profile robots masquerading as human: Roger Effing Federer. In the video below, please watch carefully as his gyroscopic stabilizers and carefully calibrated servos deliver the finishing blow to some poor, unsuspecting, eastern european human. The robots are out there people, let’s be vigilant.
This begins a new feature I like to call Unsettling Today. This is the place for things that are so awkward, so butt clenchingly uncomfortable, that the world must be made more aware of them. Today’s featurette stares race relations hard in the face, daring the abstract concept to blink. It then utters, fatefully, “boner.”
Glenn Beck creeps me out 24/7 but this…this is just so shudderworthy that I cannot come up with anything funny to say about it.
I. Just. Don’t. Know. What. To. Do. Anymore.
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